BRENNAN: We have a problem.
CAM: Uh, huh. Do you see a solution?
BRENNAN: It’s not completely my fault. I was a foster child and apparently, Booth says that – Booth says that I have – Well, something about control issues and the weight of the world.
CAM: That sounds like Booth.
BRENNAN: I think he meant that if I’m going to share responsibility for these cases, I’m going to have to learn to stop controlling everything too. Does that make sense? Psychology’s not – I really – I really hate psychology.
CAM: Not everyone’s brain works as fast as yours. I have to mull sometimes. Are – are you familiar with that concept?
BRENNAN: Yes. I just always thought it was a waste of time.
(Glasberg & Bookstaver, 2006).
———
Dr. Temperance Brennan is a pretty accurate representation of myself, only she’s on the television screen. And she was a foster kid… which, thankfully, I am not. And she hates psychology… which I, of course, do not. And I don’t find ‘mulling’ to be a waste of time; I just don’t drill for information unless there is a plausible need for said drilling.
Okay, so maybe we’re not as similar as I originally thought… but I do have legitimate control issues. I have learned through a fairly passive experience that the people I rely on as friends have had little direct impact on assisting in the coping of emotional traumas that I have incurred in the recent years. I have been given a “Hey, need a body bag? How about ice cream and a horror movie?” response, which really only serves as a temporary distraction. I am left to talk myself numb; talk myself rational. The more I talk, the more I convince myself that it doesn’t hurt. I feel like I get myself through whatever it is that’s happening.
When it comes down to it, I only trust myself. So finally having someone in my life who asks my opinion, doesn’t trample on my life perspective, doesn’t ignore my input, and won’t intentionally hurt me is a little disorienting. I’m not quite sure how to deal with it.
I do know that I need to share responsibility for things… allow him to help me. Share myself.
I just really don’t like exposing myself; sticking my neck out just feels like I’m inviting an axe, or waiting for the guillotine to drop. Guns and knives, fine… but I’m not fond of having sharp things dropped on my neck. There’s too much of a chance that it would have to drop two or three times before the pain stops.
Reference:
Glasberg, G. (Writer), & Bookstaver, S. (Director). (2006). The boy in the shroud [Television series episode]. In Hart Hanson (Producer), Bones. Netflix.
